1. I had to decide early on what I wanted in life.
At one point before I decided to seriously date my husband, I got so paralysed by the weight of the decision that I had to spend some time reflecting on what I really wanted in life. The choice of your spouse is a hefty decision, it will impact where you live in the future, how you spend your christmases and basically every aspect of your life. It is true that it is better to be single than to marry the wrong person. Do you know what kind of life you want to live?
2. I chose to compromise on things that didn’t matter in the long run.
In all marriages, there will be some sort of compromise that you will have to make, simply because all of us are flawed human beings. What will you choose to compromise on? Is he shorter than your expected dreamy hunk of 180cm, but has great leadership qualities? Is he quiet when you only wanted to date extroverts, but is able to speak up with depth when it is expected of him? In other words, I chose to stand firm on my non-negotiables such as character and similarities in life values, but learned to let go of other unrealistic & selfish expectations. Are you willing to make compromises?
3. I had a good support network that walked me through those big decisions.
My parents and sister played a big part in my decision of my future spouse. While I am fortunate to have a loving and supportive family, many don’t, so seek out people around you who have walked their relationship journey well and ask for wise counsel. I still hold on to one piece of advice that my mom gave me at the time: life is simple but it is humans that over-complicate it, by wanting this and that that are not important, so learn to live a simple life. Do you have a confidant that can also be good counsel?
4. I was over playing the dating field.
By the time I broke up with my first boyfriend (who then went on to be my husband) I knew I didn’t want to just date for fun. My next relationship would be my husband – so I only got into a relationship if I could see myself married to him. Is he husband material?